 |
| What's that Betsey Johnson? You are so amazed by all the weight I've lost? You want me to wear your swimsuit everywhere? Okay, I'll do it! |
So, I didn’t ever post my miracle for Christmas Day, but I
am actually glad that I didn’t, because I have had some time to reflect on
Christmas being over, and have realized that the final Christmas miracle is that we have a chance to start anew.
So, now that Christmas is over, and
I still have a bunch of time off, what better to consider than my New Year’s
resolutions? Now, typically I am not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions.
I mean, my declaration that I am going to stop eating an entire pan of
Ghirardelli brownies in one sitting is not actually going to be more effective
on January 1 than it would be on June 1, but something about the new year makes
us hopeful that we will be able to make changes in our lives. It is like
getting a do-over of all the bad decisions we made, crappy things we ate and
drank, and good things we neglected to do during the previous year.
So, even though I don’t 100% believe that New Year’s
resolutions are totally effective, I always make some anyway. What can I say?
I’m a sheep! Baa! The next few posts will be about my New Year’s resolutions,
and also things I wish for the new year. My biggest New Year’s resolution is to
lose the remainder of the weight I want to lose. I have already lost 40 pounds,
but have not made much progress since the summer, and have gained a little back
since Halloween. (Hey, we’ve all been there). Last night, like a madwoman, I
exercised late at night because, clearly, I was on crack or something. I also
did arm weights and ab exercises. I plan to do cardio, arm weights, and ab
exercises as many days as possible because I want to lose weight and also be
toned.
In fact, I want to look so good that I will be able to wear
this two-piece Betsey Johnson swimsuit I bought a couple of years ago on
clearance. I bought it to inspire myself, and it is a size large. Even when I
wore a size 8 in pants I still had to buy size large shirts because I have big
shoulders and the girls aren’t tiny either. Plus, I am just not a petite
person. If I get to my goal weight and look great I will be more than happy to
buy size large shirts and swimsuits for the remainder of eternity. In fact, if
I get to looking fantastic, I am only going to wear that two-piece swimsuit.
Everywhere I go. I will wear it to work, to doctor’s appointments, and out to
walk my dog. I would also love to take photos of myself in my swimsuit looking
great and post them next to my before picture on all forms of social media
known to man, but I will not do that, because that is tacky, and almost all
women hate it when other women post half-naked photos on Facebook. (Those who
do not are probably the ones posting these photos).
So, instead of disseminating pictures of myself I will, as I
said, just wear the swimsuit absolutely everywhere. And, if it gets cold, I
will just wear a wetsuit everywhere I go. You see, it has been a long time that
I have not been proud of how I look, so if I do actually get to the point where
I am happy about my body then I am going to want everyone to know. Perhaps I
will have to install a pool. On my roof. And then I will spend the day lying
next to my pool waving at the neighbors. You get the picture.
I am actually not narcissistic, at least not more than the
typical person but, you all know how it feels. If you lose weight, or get your
teeth whitened, or get an awesome new haircut and you know you look good, then
you don’t mind if other people see you. Particularly if you weren’t so happy
with how you looked previously. So, if you are driving down the road and you
see a woman in a swimsuit walking down the sidewalk, that will be me. So, get
out of your car, walk with me, and show off the awesome things about yourself!
Betsey Johnson image courtesy of http://www.biography.com/imported/images/Biography/Images/Profiles/J/Betsey-Johnson-23182-2-402.jpg
No comments:
Post a Comment