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| Where did my friend go? Is he under this stapler? |
So, I am a little behind on my posting. Today I must post
miracles for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Wednesday and Thursday, the
seventeenth and eighteenth days of Christmas, respectively, hosted miracles
with a similar theme, which is me being able to speak my mind. When I was
married, I became quite meek and unwilling to say what I thought to my husband
which, if you know me, then you know that this is not really the way I am at
all. Recently, a friend who I have not heard from in a while has reappeared in
my life. This friend ostensibly wanted to hang out, which we did a couple of
times. However, he then disappeared off the face of the earth without a trace.
I was disappointed, but chalked it up to his being flaky.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, this friend contacted me again,
apologizing for his prior disappearing act and stating his desire to get
together. After thinking it over, I decided to give him another chance. Now,
those who know me know that I am very prompt, and that I am a planner, so being
in limbo about plans is something that is very difficult for me. Well, this
friend and I have made plans two or three times since Thanksgiving break and,
each time, he has cancelled at the last minute, usually with some odd, barely
plausible excuse. What’s more, he randomly will call or text me, and then
vanish when I respond to said calls or texts.
Well, this situation came to a head on Wednesday evening
when he and I were supposed to get together for dinner. When I had not hear
from him on Tuesday evening, I started to suspect we would not be having dinner
on Wednesday. I finally heard from him close to 6 PM on Wednesday when he left
me a message to tell me that he couldn’t make it because he was sick, and that
we would get together soon. I snapped. I am not big on being jerked around, and
trying to maintain even a casual relationship with this person was proving to
be exhausting! I really do enjoy his company, however, the odd excuses, lack of
communication, and lack of availability had made me wonder if he was either a)
a secret member of the CIA b) supporting a severe drug or alcohol habit or c)
in the Witness Protection Program. So, I did what I always do when I am upset:
I wrote about it.
I wrote down all of the things I wanted to say to him. Then
I read and reread and reread and edited my comments for conciseness and
clarity. When I finally felt I had summed up my feelings well, I sent him a
text expressing my ire at having my time treated like it was really invaluable,
and wishing him well on improving this problem so that he can maintain
friendships in the future. After I sent the text I felt great! Even if I never
hear from him again, at least I got a chance to say how I feel, and to express
my disappointment and anger without fear of being yelled at or shamed. My willingness and ability to do that is a
holiday miracle in and of itself.
So far I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t know if I will,
but at least I am being emotionally honest and looking after myself. It is
disappointing when our interactions with others do not turn out as we had
hoped, however, we must always remember that it takes two people to form any
sort of relationship, be it a familial relationship, a dating relationship, or
a friendship. I believe that, ultimately, if something is actually important to
someone, that they will make it happen. So if it is important to someone to
have me as a friend, then they will do what it takes to maintain a friendship
with me. I can’t do it all on my own. I have also accepted that it may not be
important to my friend to have me in his life, and that I must see things
realistically as opposed to how I want them to be. He may have disappeared into
the ether forever, and, although it doesn’t ever feel good to find out that you
do not matter very much to someone, it is emotionally healthier to embrace this
fact than to lie to yourself about it. So,
another miracle is that I am able to accept that some people may not want to
hang out with me, but that their choices do not reflect poorly on me or mean
that there is something wrong with me. Sometimes we never know why people
behave the way they do, and we could not even venture to guess at their
motivations. I would love to know the story behind my friend’s odd behavior,
but, even if I never do, I am not sorry for the lessons I have learned.
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