Thursday, December 12, 2013

Days 10 & 11- The 24 Days of Christmas Miracles Campaign (Or “I Wear the Pants!”)

I wear the pants-the sparkly, gold pants!
The miracle of the tenth day of Christmas was a simple, yet powerful testament to the effect comfort can have on the human condition: we were allowed a jeans day at work! I can be having the worst, crappiest day, but something about not having to wear dress pants will lift that day up to being 15 times better than it would have been if artificial fibers had been involved. Now, this is not to say that my jeans are exactly super comfortable. I got my jeans a few months ago, and they are a little snug because I have gained a couple of pounds since I bought them, but still, they are jeans. When I wear jeans I feel a little more like myself than I do on a typical day at work. After all, I would never choose to wear my dress pants if I was not going to work!

Today’s miracle, the miracle for the eleventh day of Christmas is probably more profound than getting to wear jeans to work. Since I got divorced I have been honing my people radar, and improving my ability to judge if someone has good intentions or ill intentions, and if someone is going to follow through with what they say they are going to do. I have been very guilty of having a poor radar in the past, particularly when it comes to men. I would meet a guy, and because he was nice, or funny, or cute (particularly if he was cute), I would overlook his lackluster qualities or explain them away in some way that now sounds moronic to me. Here is an example:

Phone: Ring, ring!

Audrey: Hello?

Random Guy: Hi, Audrey? This is Random Guy. You know, the guy who said he’d call when we went out last week, but who has totally ignored you since?

Audrey: Oh, hi Random Guy, how are you doing today?

Random Guy: I’m great, Audrey! I’m sorry I haven’t called this week. My cell phone battery died and I just couldn’t find a charger until today.

Audrey: Huh. That’s weird. Then how did you call my friend Bubba yesterday?

Random Guy: Oh, that. Well, I had a charger, but it only works for calling guys. I couldn’t find my girl phone charger until this morning.

Audrey: Hmmmm. Sounds plausible. Let me now make things very easy for you so that you don’t have to explain yourself or do any work in this relationship.

As you can see, I was not always a genius when it came to men and their excuses. However, particularly in the past few months, I have come a long way in this respect. Miraculously, I have realized that if someone really wants to do something like call you, or see you, and if you are important enough to them for them to want to do these things, then they will make them happen, and there will not be excuses. If they don’t call or text, or don’t make time to help you when you have a problem, or see you sometimes, then it is because it is just not important to them to do so. This knowledge has been very sobering, yet very freeing. Now, if anyone, guy or girl, does not follow through or make time for our friendship, then I don’t try to make excuses for them, or explain away their actions. Barring some catastrophic event having occurred in their lives, I assume that it is just not important to them. Then I can see things as they really are, rather than how I want them to be, which keeps me from getting involved in any situations in which I will just end up hurt and/or disappointed.


While this may not seem like such a big deal, it is a truly great leap in my development as a person. (If you had seen how much I sucked at this before, you would be very proud of me now!) It is possible to be friends with someone who is not reliable, but you have to expect the call where they cancel, or not hearing from them for extended periods of time, and you just cannot let it bother you. The best part is that this knowledge keeps me from dating men who are not able to get it together and who have no follow through. So, as the title of this post indicates, I have gone from being someone who is just whipped around wherever the wind takes me in my dealings with other human beings, to someone who is in the driver’s seat as far as my relationships go: I wear the pants! 

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