Monday, July 15, 2013

It's My First Post!

My name is Audrey Verdell Broome. Audrey, because that was my great grandmother’s name, and Verdell, because my parents hate me. When I was in junior high these commercials for Life Alert, an emergency alert system for senior citizens, came out. You know, where if an old person falls down, or starts having chest pains or something they can hit the little button and it will alert emergency services to come get them? Well, there is this one commercial where this horribly frail-looking woman falls down in a very dramatic way. She then looks up at the camera, reaching toward it with outstretched hands as though trying to grab on and save herself, and she yells, “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” That woman’s name is probably Verdell.

So, aside from the fact that I have a horrible middle name, what do you need to know about me? Well, I just turned 35 on June 30, which makes me a Cancer. I am a textbook Cancer in that I like to stay home a lot and that I tend to be moody. I had a lot of trouble with my birthday this year. After all, 35 sounds so much OLDER than 34. Kind of in the way that $50.00 sounds so much more expensive than $49.99. While I don’t really look any older, I have now started thinking, whenever I ponder my age, that I round up to 40. Also, a few days ago I was filling out a survey about the service I received at the vet’s office, and it requested that I check my age, and I HAD TO CHECK THE BOX THAT SAID 35-44! It was in that moment that the full gravity of my age came pounding down on my head, but—well, then I considered the last age in my new box, 44. And I thought, “Wow! 44 sounds so much YOUNGER than 45.” And then I realized that there was a little bit of good in my new box after all.

Aside from being 35, I am single—well, divorced actually, and I live in a house in Atlanta with my two cats and one dog. The best thing about being single is the fact that I can be as lazy as I want to be. For example, a few weeks ago I wanted to exercise, but I really didn’t want to exercise. (I think we all know that feeling.) So I decided to see if I could do only exercises that would allow me to lie on my bed and watch Netflix while I did them. I actually did 50 leglifts on each side with a three-pound weight! And, while I did them, I watched an episode of Fringe. Now, if there had been a spouse or boyfriend in my house, he would likely have laughed at me for exercising in this way, but, my cats and my dog seemed to think it was a great idea. I actually petted my cat, Charlie the entire time I worked out, so not only do I have brilliant fitness ideas, but I am also a great multitasker!

I try to exercise regularly because I am on a quest to lose weight. I was married, and I am somewhat self-conscious about telling you this, but, well, when I was married, and in the ensuing period when the husband was vacating the house, I gained 100 pounds. Now, I can tell you that when you have a husband who considers a great conversation to be when he asks you if you got the mail and you tell him no, that sometimes you have to turn to other means for emotional engagement and support. During my marriage I found that peanut M & M’s were quite emotionally supportive. And it wasn’t just M & M’s. There was a litany of other food items that acted as my de facto therapists. But, alas! I shall not dwell on how I got in the situation of needing to lose weight, but will, rather, explain what I am doing about it.

I am on Weight Watchers, and I have currently lost 40 pounds. That means I have 60 pounds to go before reaching my goal. Weight Watchers tells you that, instead of setting your final goal weight as your initial goal, you should set small goals and then readjust them as you reach them. I think the best moment for me will be when I look at a body mass index chart and discover I have moved out of the obese category!

Well, I am getting tired of writing, so I will end with why I decided to start this blog. First, the name of the blog, Don't Stand Next to Me if You’re Skinny, is something I feel really strongly about. I do not like it when really skinny people stand next to me because then I have to stop what I am doing, turn to the side, and do the arm trick I always use in photographs. I hold my arm away from my body so that it doesn’t squish against my side and looks thinner. Then, after I am turned to the side, I feel that I am probably the same thickness as the skinny person is from the front, so if you see us from far away you will think we are both skinny.


On this blog I will talk about my life, weight loss, and anything else I can think of. I will also take reader questions, and even give advice if I am asked. (I always like to be helpful.) I will try to update my blog regularly, unless I discover a new tv series on Netflix and attempt to watch five episodes per night. I hope you enjoy my blog, and I look forward to hearing from you!

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