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| This leopard is offended that you think he smells like gasoline. |
I like to think I
have a pretty good sense of humor. I can laugh at myself and I am able to see
the humor in most things in life. And, while I think I can be pretty funny
sometimes, I have never considered myself a master of joke telling. I will tell
jokes only occasionally, because so much about whether or not a joke is funny
depends on the delivery, and I am not the greatest joke deliverer in the world.
But, in my younger days, as you will see, I was much more confident about these
abilities
The first joke I
remember telling was a real classic. It was one that I heard from my cousin,
Carribeth—at least I think this joke had its genesis with my cousin. It is such
a spectacular joke that I wouldn't dare take credit for it myself. I clearly
remember, though, that when I was about four, and Carribeth was about five,
this joke was all the rage between us. And the joke went like this:
Q: What did the
leopard say to the leopard?
A: Where have you
been? You smell like gasoline!
We would then laugh
hysterically after telling the joke. What is kind of odd is that I can recall
what I used to picture in my head whenever I heard this joke, and it was Tony the Tiger, wearing one of those little baseball-like caps bicyclists used to wear
before they had to wear helmets, driving in a convertible that was way too small
for his huge tiger body, and then filling his car up at the gas station. I
believe his little convertible was powder blue in my vision, and Tony was
obviously trying to compensate for something with how tiny and sporty the car
was. Maybe he had tail-envy. Either way, I obviously didn't know, at the age of
four, what a leopard looked like.
For how hilarious we
thought the joke was, I can only imagine how our parents, who were subjected to
the joke numerous times a day for a period of God only knows how long, must
have felt! They probably felt like listing us for sale on eBay, or, since eBay
wasn't around back then, maybe they wanted to take us up to the Buford HighwayFlea Market and leave us with one of the more savory looking booth owners.
The leopard joke was
good preparation for the somewhat funny joke I later told my Sunday school
class when I was five. I am guessing someone who was older than I was told me
this joke, because it's effectiveness depended on the appropriate use of a
curse word, albeit, a mild one. The joke went something like this:
Q: Knock-knock.
A: Who's there?
Q: Ma-DAM...
A: Ma-DAM who?
Q: My damn foot's
stuck in the door!
I remember
practicing the joke and, one day at Sunday school at the Methodist church,
after I named all the books of the New Testament and got stickers as my reward,
I proudly told this illustrious joke to my teacher and classmates. I don't have
a clear memory of what happened next, so I don't think I got in big trouble. I
am guessing that my teacher assumed (correctly) that I didn't really understand
that damn was not an appropriate word for a five year-old to use, and she
probably just told me it was a bad word and not to use it again. My dad said
damn and hell often enough when we were kids that I probably thought it was
just another word like cake or chair or something. Are you beginning to see why
I should not tell jokes?
The last of my
unfortunate attempts at hilarity occurred in my seventh grade study skills
class. All of the seventh graders had to rotate through all of the offered
electives, and study skills was not my first pick, as I just wanted to take as
many art classes as possible. I also think that my not really knowing anyone else
in my class was a factor that allowed me to find the boldness to attempt this
humor in the first place—that way, if no one thought it was funny, at least I
wasn't embarrassing myself in front of my friends. I must have seen a TV show
where someone attended Alcoholics Anonymous just before the first day of studyy
skills class, because, on that first day, when my teacher had us go around the
room and introduce ourselves, my turn went something like this:
Teacher: it's your
turn, Audrey.
Audrey: My name's
Audrey, and I'm an alcoholic.
Teacher and students
stare at me, slack-jawed. They look around at each other, confused. The teacher
completely ignores my introduction and moves on to the next person. It is never
spoken of again.
 |
| Introducing yourself as an alcoholic in study skills class is not very smart! |
While I can now
laugh at the fact that I introduced myself in, uh, such an unconventional way,
I can also honestly ask myself, "What were you thinking?!" If I had a
kid introduce herself in class the way I did, and if that kid was as quiet and
shy as I was in seventh grade, I would find it to be the height of hilarity. I
would, of course, act stern and give said child a good talking to, but inwardly
I would enjoy a hearty chuckle, and I would also have a funny story to tell my
friends and family. So, while my "joke" fell flat with my intended
audience when I was eleven, it has entertained 35 year-old me, so I'm thinking
it is a win!
As you can tell from
these three stories, it is a good thing I never tried to make it as a stand up
comedian. For some reason I can be funny on paper, but when I try to tell a
joke out loud I end up being as awkward as that kid Paul from The Wonder Years.
It is a good thing I wised up as I got older, and limited my jokes to audiences
of only one or two friends. Though, I must say, to this day I still wonder
where a leopard might be hanging out that he would end up smelling like
gasoline. I guess it is one of life's eternal mysteries!
Leopard photo courtesy of http://eofdreams.com/photo/leopard/04/
Hello my name is image courtesy of http://www.bigbooksponsorship.org/blog/index.cfm/2010/1/7/When-at-a-AA-meeting-how-do-you-introduce-yourself
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